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The Afterglow


 Then- 

What's done is done. I will never forget that mini heart attack I got when I saw the asterisk beside my name, how my fingers trembled when I was asked to leave a signature. It could have been my imagination, but every anticipating stare from the crowd cut through my skin like daggers. In those mere seconds before receiving my results I have pictured disappointed faces, eyes that couldn't bear to look at me for one last time, but they might have been mine because I had put my hopes up too high.

Murphy's Law existed for a reason. And sometimes I just hope people would just shut up and understand instead of exclaiming, 'I don't even know what you're worried about!'. Why wouldn't I be worried? I spewed forth extravagant promises, only to realize then that I don't give enough to deserve what I hoped for. I was about to have a taste of my own sick perfectionism. So I'll be blaming my high expectations, as always. 

Then again, even the best things come with a price.

Afterwards, I was convinced that things turned out pretty well, and that I was lucky enough to be blessed with straight As, until some dimwits came raining on my parade. It's ridiculously amateur. I guess it really isn't pleasant to hear taunts like these, even if you know that it was all meant to be a genuine friendly joke.

Now-

Two weeks later I'm still caught up in the aftermath. I've never really realized what a bad thing it is when they say 'The future is full of possibilities' until now, when you're actually required to pick one out of what seemed like an infinite list. And there's a frightening truth that you can't undo what you've chosen for the rest of your life. What the others have seen is merely the surface, the smile you forced out of yourself when accepting a compliment or being congratulated. But how many of them truly know what it is really like when the doors are closed? You tried to explain, but what you get are still doubtful stares.

Still, I would like to thank Athena, Mnemosyne and Tykhe for heeding my prayers throughout all the gruesome papers. And also to all the random Gods and unknown beings of the universe I have desperately prayed to at devastating moments. My family, too, for enduring my irrational cravings and complaints and breakdowns throughout the month. Thank you for making my life so wonderful.

As of now, I'm telling you loud and clear: Everything is possible.

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