Marry The Night: The Prelude Pathétique

"When I look back on my life, it's not that I don't want to see things exactly as they happened. It's just that I prefer to remember them in an artistic way. And truthfully, the lie of it all is much more honest because I invented it. Clinical psychology tells us arguably that trauma is the ultimate killer. Memories are not recycled like atoms and particles in Quantum Physics, they can be lost forever. It's sort of like my past is an unfinished painting, and as the artist of that painting, I must fill in all the ugly holes and make it beautiful again. It's not that I've been dishonest, it's just that I loathe reality."

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Yayasan Khazanah: First & Second Stage

Undeniably, scholarships and I tend to have rather... complicated relationships. The first one I applied for (and a quite prestigious one for heaven's sake) didn't qualify because reckless little me missed out one of the application procedures. I'm still beating myself up for that. And then there was Taylor's Principal Awards where I was awarded with 10 thousand MYR worth of tuition wee waiver for selected Pre-University Courses. Considering my current financial abilities, I turned it down because as honoured as I am to be holding a TPA, the remaining uncovered fees (not to mention living costs) were still far from what my family could afford. I didn't get the PETRONAS scholarship, neither did I make it to the 3rd stage of Yayasan Khazanah (YK). I say, failures are a sign of you're getting closer to what you want, so let's rejoice. Back to where I started, I was about to write about what I've learned during the interview processes of YK - Stag...

I Am (Not)

Sometimes I am calm like the first ray of sunlight at dawn shimmering upon the sea. And sometimes, when I am not I am a raging tempest tearing shores apart I am an earthquake still and cold as I watch them crumble to dust I am the devouring fire from a dragon's breath searing the night, and lighting up the sky - a burning red. I am the burn that lingers in your eyes when you wake up from crying yourself to sleep; The throbbing pain in your head from losing count of Jamesons you drowned in. Sometimes I am calm but sometimes, when I'm not - nessun dorma.

Confess and Live

Here's a simple confession to make: I'm afraid. But I'm not. I'm not afraid of being afraid. At least, it's proof that I'm still sane and still alive. Fear can be transformed into strength, because it's like a hurdle - when you've mustered enough energy to jump over your boundaries, you'll land back on track to finish the long race. Fear will not take over me. I will land on the other side. I will retrieve what I rightfully deserve, I'm sure.

Don't Blink 2.0

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