Don't Blink 2.0

We were walking down the street, now in the depth of winter, covered in snow. You were almost too confident, brushing your shoes on the thick coat of snow as my sight diverged. Anxiety trailed along a thin streak of tear that rolled down my face, and then I lowered my head just to hide it away from you. Our footsteps seemed surreal. Have we walked so far just to part? Why am I always the one who stands and wave? Why does everyone turn away from me? P.S. This was written such a long time ago I forgot what triggered me. I previously thought departing would be easy, when I had nothing to hold on to, and I wanted so badly to leave. Don't get me wrong, I still want it desperately, but would my departure make an impact? Would things still remain the same when I return? C'est la vie. I say, you'll never know if you never try.

From the very bottom of my ventricles, thank you so much for making my day with the intricately planned surprise. I don't know how or where to begin expressing how grateful I am for everything you guys went through to make this happen.  And also to everyone who remembered, on Facebook, on Twitter, by text, by phone, and by mouth - I love you. There's only one last thing to say: I'm fucking legal.

I admit it all the time, I'm not the best person in the universe, and I cannot evade flaws in my words or actions. Thinking back, I offended the wrong people, spoke words I never thought would hurt. And of course, I am truly sorry to whoever was once a victim of my blatancy. The inevitable thing is, some scars are hard to mend. Particularly scars on those who judge you by your past, regardless of who you are now.  I'm glad to have someone close bold enough to remind me once in a while to rethink what I did and what I'm doing with my life. I let the wrong people in, and push away the right ones. Sometimes it feels as if I'm about to be sucked into a vortex of despair, but as much as I'm sure it will kill me, I loosen my grip and plunge towards my demise. By then I would still be telling myself it's the right thing to do. Just so I can fall asleep at night. Now I'm rethinking. Why do I keep throwing myself into an empty space? Because I'm ex...

 This is Dave Franco, James Franco's younger brother, portraying Jack Wilder.   This is Jesse Eisenberg, who played Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network. He stars as J. Daniel Atlas.  I guess Rotten Tomatoes has logical reasons to rate the film as 'rotten' because under the super cool distracting holographic effects and mind boggling abracadabras, lies only a scattered plot. Although on second thought, some unresolved suspense might lead to a sequel in the near future. It may be a downer for most critics but for audiences it's definitely watch-worthy.  Personally, a 7.5 out of 10 for the unexpected plot twist and brilliant special effects, which easily qualify as some pleasant eye candy for the day. "The closer you look, the less you'll see." On a side note, my Sunday was well spent. 

Here's a simple confession to make: I'm afraid.  But I'm not. I'm not afraid of being afraid. At least, it's proof that I'm still sane and still alive. Fear can be transformed into strength, because it's like a hurdle - when you've mustered enough energy to jump over your boundaries, you'll land back on track to finish the long race. Fear will not take over me. I will land on the other side. I will retrieve what I rightfully deserve, I'm sure.

Undeniably, scholarships and I tend to have rather... complicated relationships. The first one I applied for (and a quite prestigious one for heaven's sake) didn't qualify because reckless little me missed out one of the application procedures. I'm still beating myself up for that. And then there was Taylor's Principal Awards where I was awarded with 10 thousand MYR worth of tuition wee waiver for selected Pre-University Courses. Considering my current financial abilities, I turned it down because as honoured as I am to be holding a TPA, the remaining uncovered fees (not to mention living costs) were still far from what my family could afford. I didn't get the PETRONAS scholarship, neither did I make it to the 3rd stage of Yayasan Khazanah (YK). I say, failures are a sign of you're getting closer to what you want, so let's rejoice.  Back to where I started, I was about to write about what I've learned during the interview processes of YK - Stag...

"When I look back on my life, it's not that I don't want to see things exactly as they happened. It's just that I prefer to remember them in an artistic way. And truthfully, the lie of it all is much more honest because I invented it. Clinical psychology tells us arguably that trauma is the ultimate killer. Memories are not recycled like atoms and particles in Quantum Physics, they can be lost forever. It's sort of like my past is an unfinished painting, and as the artist of that painting, I must fill in all the ugly holes and make it beautiful again. It's not that I've been dishonest, it's just that I loathe reality."