Skip to main content

Untitled



Thoughts gathered over the week. (This post is completely irrelevant, I just keep getting an urge to update.)

1. The thing about people, is that they regret. 
How many times have you said 'what the heck, fuck this' just to do something that you know isn't worth your time? Why regret when you could've actually done something to make sure things fall into the right place? When they didn't, you desperately search for excuses to cover up the mess you've made. You tell the world that you regret. Why regret, when you should know this is what you deserve?

It's high time I start putting effort into my goals. Let others be my guide, my reminder that nothing comes free. Give and take. The more you give, the more you reap. Shuning, stay focused!

2. Trust is the most fragile thing ever.
Some of us had to learn it the hard way. To have your heart smashed on the floor, shattered, and then you're expected to pick yourself up. I thought it was cruel to be treated that way, but I realize now, it made me grew. It made me immune to the next heartbreak, just like what a friend told me few years ago. 

The bad side of this is I really don't know who to trust anymore. There's always a veil that I have to put up, no matter who I'm with. I really wish I didn't have to do this, but being myself has become such a risk now.

3. Could it be?
Not many would understand my perspective of things. What I always think is a big deal, to others, is just a phase in life that we all would eventually get to. So who do I seek help from? I guess it's okay to let Fate decide. But oh please don't let history repeat. 

4. Running out of time.
I swear I'll not regret, I just can't. I can't afford to disappoint myself again. 

Note: This post isn't directed at you. Yes, you. But if the shoe fits, be my guest and wear it. (Edited 3/2/2014)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Yayasan Khazanah: First & Second Stage

Undeniably, scholarships and I tend to have rather... complicated relationships. The first one I applied for (and a quite prestigious one for heaven's sake) didn't qualify because reckless little me missed out one of the application procedures. I'm still beating myself up for that. And then there was Taylor's Principal Awards where I was awarded with 10 thousand MYR worth of tuition wee waiver for selected Pre-University Courses. Considering my current financial abilities, I turned it down because as honoured as I am to be holding a TPA, the remaining uncovered fees (not to mention living costs) were still far from what my family could afford. I didn't get the PETRONAS scholarship, neither did I make it to the 3rd stage of Yayasan Khazanah (YK). I say, failures are a sign of you're getting closer to what you want, so let's rejoice.  Back to where I started, I was about to write about what I've learned during the interview processes of YK - Stag...

-

Can you believe it's been more than a year? So much has changed since then, and yet it all feels so familiar. They say the delight you reap from chasing after your dreams is the euphoria and the sweet nectar of satisfaction, the joy within from seeing the ones you love and cherish grow along with you, and the happiness in yourself knowing that no matter what you do - they will always have your back. I always thought that was true. Hell, I knew it was true because I felt it at some point. I felt impenetrable from so much trust and foothold that came from around me. Maybe it was the fatigue after the sweet rush of sugar had faded, maybe it's just me losing control or losing sight of what really matters, but things kept spiraling downwards and downwards and now I don't even know if there's an end to this tunnel anymore. I would say I wish things were different, but honestly, I don't think there's any more space left for hope in me. It's okay, my heart...

I Am (Not)

Sometimes I am calm like the first ray of sunlight at dawn shimmering upon the sea. And sometimes, when I am not I am   a raging tempest tearing shores apart I am an earthquake  still and cold as I watch them crumble to dust I am the devouring fire from a dragon's breath searing the night, and lighting up the sky  - a burning red. I am the burn  that lingers in your eyes when you wake up  from crying yourself to sleep; The throbbing pain in your head from losing count of Jamesons you drowned in. Sometimes I am calm but sometimes, when I'm not - nessun dorma.