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Never Give All The Heart

Unlike other years, 2013 went by a little too quickly. Everything happened unexceptionally fast, and now look, it's a brand new year already. I've been deprived of inspirations lately, so having no idea what to write, I'll just ramble and rant until something decent comes along.

Recovering from the post-finals hustle and after the Sunway Lagoon trip I never really made an effort to elaborate, I began my first job ever. The first four months of the year were well spent exploring a mall I never really paid attention to and getting to know people of different ages. Learning was the fun part, especially from professionals who worked with me. Yet the best part of work was always break time with a lovely bunch of people, although we didn't really had a lot of food choices back then, there were definitely a lot of precious moments.

Then came results. The following months were filled with college applications and interviews which I kind of enjoyed the experiences gained. And after a few heartbreaking failures, I went with the only scholarship choice I had left. But it was more than enough.

Upon entering college, my year went through a big flip - emotionally and mentally. So here's the cheesy part of the post.

The pressure during orientation week was immensely terrifying. I wasn't ambitious, I wasn't sure of myself, but looking at all the university choices crippled my confidence and self-esteem. And from there everything fell apart. It was a depressing period, but it was enough to teach me a lesson that I'll never forget. Within these 5 months, I was granted a chance to meet amazing people from different states, to have classmates that are too awesome to be true. Most of all, and I really do keep saying this to myself, it is a miracle that I actually am where I am right now. A year ago, I would never dreamed of getting this far. So thank you, determination and discipline works wonders.

Towards the end of the year, crawling out of the emotional turmoil with some help from people around me, I made it through the semester exam and fled that horrible place. But thinking twice, it wasn't that bad all the while, I guess the exams had it's way of pulling a few of us together - spending the night over at each others' dorm, heart-to-heart talks whenever I was devastated, camping in the study room when there was a power cut and hiding in the room together during fire drills. Now that I've thought of it, it was crazy fun.

So to everyone that has made my year a life-changing one, thank you. To those who stood by me and inspired me way more than I needed, thank you too. Those who endured my meltdowns, my flip-outs, and my endless complains, you guys are the best. Although I have to say, good news always follow with bad ones. The inevitable truth is that all the good memories came with disappointments and heartbreaks. Maybe 2012 was too great that I forgot how being sad really felt. When bad things happened I would beat myself up all over again, sometimes for no reason. I didn't know who to trust, who to talk to, and it was devastating.

But those bad times hit me hard enough to make me look back, repent, and reflect. Lessons learned and tables turned. I realized in time that some people only come to you when they need help, some people leave you when you are at your worst, some people turn their backs on you when they find someone new. Some efforts are not worth making because people will change. So here's a mental note: Make aquaintances, not friends. At this point of life, nothing seems permanent anymore. And people make every move for a reason. It's a sad truth we all need to acknowledge and accept.

I've obviously rambled too much. But to sum things up, the title of this post serves as a reminder. Fate isn't cruel, it just has its own plans for each one of us. So never take things too seriously because nothing lasts. The only thing that matters is you. Stay true to yourself wherever you are, and all will be well.

For now, Happy New Year to everyone and if you make it here, you deserve a bear hug from yours truly. Ciaos, another exciting year awaits.

"When you walk out of the storm you won't be the same person that walked in. That's what the storm is all about."

-Haruki Murakami

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