Skip to main content

Sorry

You know you screwed up when you look into his eyes and see nothing but disappointment.

The moment he stands up and walks out the door, you feel a wave of guilt and void hit you right in the face. The realization that all you've ever done is drive everyone else away from you and when someone offers to care for you unconditionally, you whimper and cower away.

I held on to the thought that we're different from the rest. That we're perfect for each other because we compliment each others' flaws. Where I was insecure and worried, you are the radiant pillar of strength that I would draw confidence and comfort from. You have always managed to fill the emptiness in me, and I felt so complete. You are the perfect, beautiful soul that you are, when I have countless of flaws that needed fixing. All I needed was for you to be patient. Little did I know that this bliss would be short-lived, and distance is the single most painful thing to endure when you love someone this much.

All I've ever wanted to be is perfect. All I ever was was not enough. No matter how hard I try I can only manage to take tiny steps and even so they still mean something to me. It means I have not stopped. I hope someone sees it. And I will keep trying and trying until I don't disappoint anyone anymore.

Forgetting about you is not an option.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Yayasan Khazanah: First & Second Stage

Undeniably, scholarships and I tend to have rather... complicated relationships. The first one I applied for (and a quite prestigious one for heaven's sake) didn't qualify because reckless little me missed out one of the application procedures. I'm still beating myself up for that. And then there was Taylor's Principal Awards where I was awarded with 10 thousand MYR worth of tuition wee waiver for selected Pre-University Courses. Considering my current financial abilities, I turned it down because as honoured as I am to be holding a TPA, the remaining uncovered fees (not to mention living costs) were still far from what my family could afford. I didn't get the PETRONAS scholarship, neither did I make it to the 3rd stage of Yayasan Khazanah (YK). I say, failures are a sign of you're getting closer to what you want, so let's rejoice.  Back to where I started, I was about to write about what I've learned during the interview processes of YK - Stag
Post a Comment
Read more

You

You told me You could see galaxies spiraling in my eyes that I was the silver trail of moonlight in your darkest night. I tore my walls down and grew a garden that bloomed into vivid colours so we could dance among the flowers. Heaven once felt so seamless until it began to crack and all the stars we counted faded into black. It's funny how when you're sprawled helplessly on the ground gasping for air the deafening silence sets in; you can hear your heart shatter and your soul dissolves into the bloody red mess that is you.
Post a Comment
Read more

BGF Youth Connection Session

Things you dislike about yourself: 1. I put too much pressure on myself 2. My expectations are too high 3. I can't manage my emotions well 4. I have an  unhealthy tendency to belittle myself Things I love about myself:  1. I am disciplined 2. I try as much as I can to stay optimistic 3. Sometimes, I'm just plain awesome Things I did today that are positive: 1. Met new people 2. Reunited with high school friends 3. Enjoyed the YCS session 4. Had some really good almond cake Positive things that you see in others:  1. Positivity 2. Ability to cope well with studies 3. Confidence 4. Skillfulness 5. Effective self-management YCS was really good and I'm glad I accepted the invitation. Ending this with something I learned today:  ALL, is well. 
Post a Comment
Read more