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Can you believe it's been more than a year? So much has changed since then, and yet it all feels so familiar.

They say the delight you reap from chasing after your dreams is the euphoria and the sweet nectar of satisfaction, the joy within from seeing the ones you love and cherish grow along with you, and the happiness in yourself knowing that no matter what you do - they will always have your back.

I always thought that was true. Hell, I knew it was true because I felt it at some point. I felt impenetrable from so much trust and foothold that came from around me. Maybe it was the fatigue after the sweet rush of sugar had faded, maybe it's just me losing control or losing sight of what really matters, but things kept spiraling downwards and downwards and now I don't even know if there's an end to this tunnel anymore.

I would say I wish things were different, but honestly, I don't think there's any more space left for hope in me.

It's okay, my heart's broken anyway.

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You told me You could see galaxies spiraling in my eyes that I was the silver trail of moonlight in your darkest night. I tore my walls down and grew a garden that bloomed into vivid colours so we could dance among the flowers. Heaven once felt so seamless until it began to crack and all the stars we counted faded into black. It's funny how when you're sprawled helplessly on the ground gasping for air the deafening silence sets in; you can hear your heart shatter and your soul dissolves into the bloody red mess that is you.