It has been an awful long while since the last time I found myself sitting in front of my laptop, wanting nothing else but some peace and alone time. All this while I've been occupied, physically and mentally, so much that letting myself sink into thoughts seemed like a little too much to ask for. Right now less than 24 hours before I get on a plane and embark on a journey unknown, words are flowing, thoughts that I haven't had much time for are slowly resurfacing - all I feel is restless.
As cliche as it gets, you can't help yourself from looking back when you've come so far. And I have come so far.
Anyone who has been through a dark phase in their lives and subsequently managed to pull themselves together and emerge as a better person would understand this: no matter how many times it seems like it's raining stones upon us, we're never really broken. Every time we hit the ground hard we grow an inch taller, readier to stand and face whatever's in our way next. Bruises mean nothing but marks of victory, scars are symbols that we fought for something and didn't give up. There's a warrior in every one of us.
People who've known me for more than a couple of years would easily agree that I am, most of the time, anxious. Or depressed. Or stressed out. I used to have the littlest faith in myself, despite the amount of times I've proven myself wrong. Worrying is a thing I do and still do very frequently, to the point that it has become a habit that keeps me sane. Sometimes I get over it, sometimes I don't. Other times I breakdown and become suicidal. The hardest time in my life so far, was the first few months I moved out of home and went to live in a completely unfamiliar city. I might be exaggerating, but at that moment my life felt like it was falling apart. There wasn't a day that passed without at least a thought of ending my life in an instant to shut off all the pain. But I couldn't muster up enough courage to die, so I decided to persevere. Nothing was ever the same since then.
Two years have passed and it became a funny thing to look back and laugh at. I consider myself a very lucky person for everything that life has given me along the way. Lessons and reminders come to us in different forms: people, things, and situations. The road I took wasn't always smooth sailing, but at least I know I worked my ass off to get through all the bumps. And I did it.
One thing that I kinda want right now is the ability to write like I used to. Never mind. So yeah, pre-departure sentiments. There is no way I would have imagined myself to be where I'm at right now a few years ago. No insane amount of gratitude would suffice for the people who have been there with me along the way, near or far. Know that I am still the perfectionist that I am, the same person who strives to not let anybody down.
Final reminder: Dreams do come true!
As cliche as it gets, you can't help yourself from looking back when you've come so far. And I have come so far.
Anyone who has been through a dark phase in their lives and subsequently managed to pull themselves together and emerge as a better person would understand this: no matter how many times it seems like it's raining stones upon us, we're never really broken. Every time we hit the ground hard we grow an inch taller, readier to stand and face whatever's in our way next. Bruises mean nothing but marks of victory, scars are symbols that we fought for something and didn't give up. There's a warrior in every one of us.
People who've known me for more than a couple of years would easily agree that I am, most of the time, anxious. Or depressed. Or stressed out. I used to have the littlest faith in myself, despite the amount of times I've proven myself wrong. Worrying is a thing I do and still do very frequently, to the point that it has become a habit that keeps me sane. Sometimes I get over it, sometimes I don't. Other times I breakdown and become suicidal. The hardest time in my life so far, was the first few months I moved out of home and went to live in a completely unfamiliar city. I might be exaggerating, but at that moment my life felt like it was falling apart. There wasn't a day that passed without at least a thought of ending my life in an instant to shut off all the pain. But I couldn't muster up enough courage to die, so I decided to persevere. Nothing was ever the same since then.
Two years have passed and it became a funny thing to look back and laugh at. I consider myself a very lucky person for everything that life has given me along the way. Lessons and reminders come to us in different forms: people, things, and situations. The road I took wasn't always smooth sailing, but at least I know I worked my ass off to get through all the bumps. And I did it.
One thing that I kinda want right now is the ability to write like I used to. Never mind. So yeah, pre-departure sentiments. There is no way I would have imagined myself to be where I'm at right now a few years ago. No insane amount of gratitude would suffice for the people who have been there with me along the way, near or far. Know that I am still the perfectionist that I am, the same person who strives to not let anybody down.
Final reminder: Dreams do come true!
Comments
Post a Comment