Skip to main content

I'll Only Have You


The night is a canvas
turbulence, the safflower oil
you were the abyss I fell into;
the echoes beneath the soil.

I have lost my mind
searching for you in the cold, musty dark
I have longed for your touch
the tingling warmth that would deftly heal my scars.

Who are you?
my blemishes fade, my unbearable flaws 
stroked away by your brush
I am new, and now I am yours.

Are you van Gogh?
or are you Munch?
my skin quivers; the silver clair de lune
but I will only have you
if you're sweeter than my solitude.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Yayasan Khazanah: First & Second Stage

Undeniably, scholarships and I tend to have rather... complicated relationships. The first one I applied for (and a quite prestigious one for heaven's sake) didn't qualify because reckless little me missed out one of the application procedures. I'm still beating myself up for that. And then there was Taylor's Principal Awards where I was awarded with 10 thousand MYR worth of tuition wee waiver for selected Pre-University Courses. Considering my current financial abilities, I turned it down because as honoured as I am to be holding a TPA, the remaining uncovered fees (not to mention living costs) were still far from what my family could afford. I didn't get the PETRONAS scholarship, neither did I make it to the 3rd stage of Yayasan Khazanah (YK). I say, failures are a sign of you're getting closer to what you want, so let's rejoice.  Back to where I started, I was about to write about what I've learned during the interview processes of YK - Stag...

-

Can you believe it's been more than a year? So much has changed since then, and yet it all feels so familiar. They say the delight you reap from chasing after your dreams is the euphoria and the sweet nectar of satisfaction, the joy within from seeing the ones you love and cherish grow along with you, and the happiness in yourself knowing that no matter what you do - they will always have your back. I always thought that was true. Hell, I knew it was true because I felt it at some point. I felt impenetrable from so much trust and foothold that came from around me. Maybe it was the fatigue after the sweet rush of sugar had faded, maybe it's just me losing control or losing sight of what really matters, but things kept spiraling downwards and downwards and now I don't even know if there's an end to this tunnel anymore. I would say I wish things were different, but honestly, I don't think there's any more space left for hope in me. It's okay, my heart...

I Am (Not)

Sometimes I am calm like the first ray of sunlight at dawn shimmering upon the sea. And sometimes, when I am not I am   a raging tempest tearing shores apart I am an earthquake  still and cold as I watch them crumble to dust I am the devouring fire from a dragon's breath searing the night, and lighting up the sky  - a burning red. I am the burn  that lingers in your eyes when you wake up  from crying yourself to sleep; The throbbing pain in your head from losing count of Jamesons you drowned in. Sometimes I am calm but sometimes, when I'm not - nessun dorma.